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Years ago, when I had hired my own coach and had decided to get into the arena of working with other people in the realm of personal development, I was often asked, “What’s your market? What’s your niche? Who’s your ideal customer? What’s the focal point of your coaching?”… and I really struggled with the answers. I remember sharing with a mentor of mine, “I can’t articulate what exactly I am offering. It’s not health coaching. It’s not fitness coaching. It’s not executive coaching… It’s more the “fluff stuff.”
I went on to explain my definition of “fluff stuff” to her through stories of different people from all different industries and backgrounds who had reached out to me for support and my services. They all had their “labeling” or reasons for reaching out to me. It usually was around elevating their career or changing jobs… but a funny thing always seemed to happen. Time and time again we went beyond the surface aspects of their current situation and desires and into instead, their energy and who they were at a deeper soul level. Conversations about managing their own personal vibe as well as how their physical environment felt. Unearthing outdated stories they had been telling themselves about themselves for years that were literally keeping them stuck. Figuring out that hopping over into someone else’s business was draining their energy, time, and resources. Discovering the ways in which they were expert chameleons who had curated a life that was not at all what they desired but instead what they THOUGHT other people desired. Why practicing self-care felt… really selfish.
I have come to realize that all of this, and so much more, is really the way we find ourselves and the life we desire. It’s getting out of our heads and into our hearts. It’s doing “the work” and using the tools when we really don’t feel like it.
I also realized I’m really not a coach for your life. You are in charge of your life… and you don’t need to practice “self-help.” You aren’t a piece of furniture that’s broken. You are a powerful being who instead really digs self-development so that’s a great thing!
So here’s the deal:
We all just want to feel something in our lives. To feel happier. To experience more serenity….more confidence… more connection… more joy.
So in a nutshell, what I really do… is help people feel GOOD… so they have the energy and inspiration to take action with their own lives.
So how do you begin to “feel good?” Perhaps through things like being more in the moment, finding the lesson in the pain, following through with the promises to yourself instead of blowing yourself off, practicing self-care, and a biggie: creating more connection with yourself and subsequently others.
You’d think with technology and the ability to connect with anyone in the world in seconds, we would experience feelings of security and cohesiveness, but apparently not. There exists this deep yearning for connection and community wherever you look. I was recently listening to an interview with David Brooks who wrote a book called The Quest for a Moral Life. In it he shares that in the 1950s it was all about this idea of “we’re in this together.” There was a great sense of community. The baby boomer generation was booming, back yard barbecues were the norm, and people felt like they BELONGED.
As with anything, things began to swing to the other side. In this case, more to the individualistic side. The vibe of “I’m my own person” in the 60s was not a bad thing… but it’s now 60 years later and we’ve become extremists who are yearning at a soul level for more organic, old fashioned connection.
Have we become so entrenched in “ME”… that we have lost the benefits of “WE?”
A participant in one of my recent monthly workshops in Milwaukee touched upon this idea of disconnection. How we exist oftentimes working alone, eating alone, existing alone… But always with our best friend whose name is “social media.” Many times our phones even possess their own place settings at dinner!
So, how do we capture the essence of the “we are all in this together” feeling? How do we find those moments of feeling part of something bigger than just ourselves? That secure and cozy place that feels like home?
It begins with tapping into our own inner spirit…our soul. At the end of the day, that’s the one commonality we all possess. You may be a Republican or a Democrat, male, female, wealthy or just getting by. All of these superficial labels we put upon ourselves simply are cloaks we wear each day. Underneath it all, however, we are all the same.
So, when you think about it, if you are seeking connection, if you’re seeking community. If you’re seeking more of a sense of belonging in this day and age, it’s imperative that you tap into yourself first at a soul level. It’s key that you get in touch with the mysticism of life. That you get in touch with your spirit. Yes, I’m talking about the woo woo! And you know what, the woo woo works. The woo woo, I like to say, is more “wow wow!” Why? Because when you get in touch with yourself at this level, it’s so much easier to then connect at a deeper level with someone else. Creating connection first with yourself is like turning on a light switch that allows you to see everyone else at the party.
Some might say what I write about is the “fluff stuff”… and what I say to that is “GREAT!” Because I know the true benefit I offer people are tools to FEEL better so they can start getting on with their purpose in this life. Our time here is short and it’s our divine responsibility to care for ourselves enough that we have the energy to express our purpose and gifts every day.
Speaking of tools, I’d like to share a few of the favorites I use on a regular basis to create more connection with not only my spirit but with others as well:
- Pay attention to your energy: When you wake up, rate your energy level from 1-10 and also think about WHY you are at that level. Creating awareness around your energy is so powerful. When we elevate our energy it creates an awesome day not only for ourselves but those we meet.
- Check in with the intelligence of your gut: When faced with a decision, it’s easy to go with what your head says. Logically, the decision is option A or option B. But could there be more information that’s available to you if you sink into a more deeper and spiritual space within yourself? The next time you are grappling with lack of clarity, ask your mind what answer it has for you… but then gently put your hand over your heart, close your eyes, take a deep breath, and ask your heart what it has to say.
- Ask for support: Do you struggle with being vulnerable? Is it difficult for you to ask for support without feeling in debt to the other person? Asking for help is an act of courage and one that can lead to authentic work and personal relationships. Doesn’t it feel good to offer assistance to someone? Why not give others the same opportunity? Today, start small and ask for a small favor and build from there.
Oh! And never underestimate the power that lingers beyond the veil. I speak to my guides, my angels, and my loved ones on a daily basis. Maybe you have lost a parent, sibling, or a friend. Or heartbreakingly, you’ve lost a child. You, my friend, I’m sure are nodding your head at the power that exists when you communicate and connect with these loved ones. They are simply waiting to be asked. I can tell you without a doubt, that on the days that I have asked for assistance and for help, they have not let me down. It’s fine if you disagree… but what do you have to lose? Just experiment with it over the next week or so. Finding a parking spot, dealing with an issue at work, or struggling for clarity try this:
Angels above me, angels below me, angels all around me this is what I ask of you today__________________________.
So, there you go. It’s a little woo woo today. But if you know me, you know I love it and I believe it works. So, I encourage you to get in touch with the “fluff stuff” in your life. Chances are it’s the doorway to connect more to not only your gifts and your purpose but to others as well. If you’re lonely, if you’re sad, if you are simply having a bad day and you don’t know why, tap into yourself at that soul level through the tools above, mediation, or a conversation with an old friend you haven’t spoken with in a while. Then, notice how your energy begins to lift.
See you soon,