Episode 15

10 Ways To Invite Contentment Into Your Everyday

This week’s episode of the Tranquility Talk Podcast was inspired by a lot of the overwhelm going on in the world these days. As a sensitive soul I hope you find today’s 10 tips helpful in nurturing your precious energy.

Highlights of today's show include

  • The truth behind being “the nicest person ever” in the crowd.
  • Why protecting your energy is key for fulfilling your purpose.
  • How gratitude can literally change your mood in seconds.
  • Numerous other strategies to cultivate contentment starting today.
  • The aute eligendi reiciendis distinctio 

Enjoy the Show

Transcript

I’ve been thinking lately about how many of the people I work, those who read my blog and listen to the podcast are empathic and sensitive souls. In other words, “people who feel too much!” When I was younger, I thought my sensitivity was a flaw and something I needed to get rid of. “Toughen up! Buck up!” were phrases that rang in my head when I was a wreck about something or someone.

I don’t know if you can relate?

I now realize sensitivity is actually a gift and something that if we channel in the right way is really one of our super powers. When we’re able to harness the gift of sensitivity for creating something good with what we do in the world and how we show up in the world, it’s pretty cool.

You probably know what I’m talking about when you can really see beyond what is there on the surface. If there is conflict at work or at home, you’re able to see beyond the noise and really laser in and understand what is really at the heart of the matter.

The challenge is when you’re sensitive, sometimes you can get overwhelmed if there’s too much going on and too much stimuli. Dr. Elaine Aaron’s wrote a book called The Highly Sensitive Person and it’s fascinating. There is also a quiz of hers online you can take to see where you fall on the scale.

This idea of empathy and sensitivity inspired today’s topic of “10 ways to invite contentment into your every day.”

And for those of who know, who know me well, they know every time they come to my home, the furniture’s rearranged. There might be new pink color on the wall. I’m getting close to really being good with everything in terms of furniture arrangement. So I moved my desk into my cozy den and I have my little nook here with my pretty hot pink tulips that were unsaved at the grocery store yesterday. I’ve got my diffuser going, I’ve got my lemon water. I’m I’m feeling really good. I got my dog snoring over here. Hopefully you can hear that might be a little annoying.

It’s really important to create a space in your mind and your home, um, different rituals that will help you stay grounded and help you stay centered, because what a shame to have all of those gifts of sensitivity of empathy, just washed away from the overwhelm of the day. And I think that oftentimes happens.

I can relate to that. Maybe you can as well, that you have so much to give. And yet when you become overwhelmed or anxiety ridden, all of that just goes out the window.

So with sensitivity comes the responsibility to maintain some order, some order in your life, in your heart and your home. And that’s a responsibility that we have so that we are able to do what we do In this world. We all have special gifts and you have gifts that not one other soul on this planet has in the same way that you have it. Think about it for a second. What are your gifts, what do people compliment you on, what are you known for?

So it’s important to stay grounded and stay connected in order to bring that to the world. These are tools that I actually use on a regular basis and that’s why it’s really easy for me to speak about them. I think the number one tool, and let me back this up a bit.

So for so long people who knew me really well would say that, yeah, Meg is like the nicest person ever…AND she is also very intolerant to the messiness of life. She has a hard time with overwhelm. I would lose my patients, just freak out, get frazzled…basically Frantic Franny would come out!

And it wasn’t until I was able to recognize that because I was being so hard on myself and so demanding of myself that when things weren’t going perfectly, I would lash out at other people.

When in reality, I was just lashing out at myself.

When I was able to come to terms with this part of me, this Frantic Franny, life got easier.
When you’re able to really embrace the parts of yourself that aren’t always perfect and centered and tranquil because, well, number one, that’s boring. And number two, it’s impossible because perfection is impossible.

So what I decided to do was go on an exploration of how I could work through this. And the tools that I’m going to share are really the tools that, that helped me through this.

  1. The first one is…. Breath. I know that sounds simplistic, but just breathing. And what goes along with breathing is when we take that moment, that pause, pause that breath of pause, that pause, breath, we’re able to center ourselves and ask ourself, how do I want to feel in this moment when I wake up every morning, I’ll say to myself, what’s one word to describe how I want to feel today.And when I get overwhelmed or frantic, I can stop. And just for a few seconds, breathe and ask myself, okay, how can I step back into that feeling? So that word that I think about in the morning about how I want to feel that can serve as an anchor throughout the day. And so taking that breath and reminding yourself of the way that you want to feel simply sometimes just reminding, Whoa, Whoa, Whoa, wait a minute. We want to feel content today. Or we want to feel happy, or we want to feel patient or kind. And just that, knowing that reminder to ourselves, we can come right back in to that energy. Another thing to do is to say to yourself, okay, your reaction in this moment will be creating your reality for the next moment. So how I react right now to this overwhelm or frustration with another person it’s going to depict my reality five minutes from now, do I want to five minutes from now be apologizing, feeling bad ruminating, or do I want to just feel like, all right, I made it over that wave. So simply breathing for me has been probably one of the top tools for sure.
  2. This is a great question to ask yourself…will this matter an hour from now, will this matter a day from now a week from now a year from now? And so a lot of times, if you’re like me, you get immersed in the minutiae of life. You get in the weeds, you start to overthink things and you know, that you’re spinning on the cycle and you just can’t hop off. So a really great thing to do is to say, will this really matter? Will this matter a year from now? And oftentimes, no, it won’t. And oftentimes we’re so trapped in our ego or our desire to control, because if you’re someone who feels a lot of you’re someone who’s really sensitive. If you’re empathic, you might have this desire to control other people’s experience to make sure everyone’s okay. When I was little, I would always make sure all my little dolls were in a row and put to bed and, you know, just, just so, and that was my way of controlling and making sure they were okay. And I find that, you know, in my adult life sometimes I just want to make sure everyone’s okay, is everyone okay? So you can let that go. You can let that control.
  3. I love this one, no matter what I’m going to be okay. So if there, you know, you get some bad news or there’s something, you know, just negative that, um, comes through an email or a phone call or a thought in your head, or you didn’t get the job or you didn’t, you know, whatever it was there, you had a goal that you didn’t meet at the end of the day. My belief is the life that we live is just such a snapshot in time. I mean, think of all the people who have lived before us and all the people and souls that are coming after us. And so really no matter what happens as we’re here in this life, no matter what it’s going to be. Okay, Hey, and you know, what is required for that is faith. So if you’re going through a difficult time, rest assured that no matter what, eventually it may not feel like it now, but eventually all will be good. All will be okay. Sometimes easier said than done, right. To really step into that. But it’s given me comfort that, Hey, no matter what happens at the end of the day, I do have the ability to create the sense of ease and contentment right now in my day.
  4. Gratitude. You know, the people that you live with, let’s say, you know, they’re not washing the dishes you wake up the next morning and the, who was I talking to? I was talking to someone recently. Hmm. I can’t remember. It was a friend of mine. And, uh, Oh, yes. Yes. It was a friend of mine who was sharing with me about how she woke up the next morning and her kids had not, you know, they just left some food in the sink and the dishes.And she had specifically asked them to clean it up. And, and she’s like, I was so frustrated. And, I said, well, you know, maybe what can, you know, obviously she had the talk with the kids and said, Hey, you know, you gotta, you gotta clean up at night. And yet in that moment, if the goal is for her to feel better. So she doesn’t approach the situation or the conversation with the kids from the Frantic Franny point of view is to step into gratitude that, Hey, someday, they’re going to be off living their own lives. And I am not going to wake up to a bunch of food in the sink and dirty dishes. And in that moment, you can totally change your mindset by looking at those dirty dishes with gratitude. Kind of sounds funny. I don’t know if you can relate and yet when you’re feeling overwhelmed or anxiety ridden, usually yeah, you can find something. You can kind of spin it and flip it where you can step into gratitude. And if all else fails, you can just basically say, thank you. Thank you universe. Thank you God, for providing me with this moment of overwhelm. So I can experiment with the other things that Meg is sharing on this podcast. Thank you. I am so overwhelmed right now. I’m going to step into breathing.
  5. Master your thoughts. This is a biggie. I think so often when we’re anxious or overwhelmed it’s as though our mind has just take off and award is getting dragged along. If you pay it attention sometimes to your thoughts and how our minds race, if you try to meditate. I know for me, when I meditate, the first three minutes are just like, Oh my gosh. Sometimes the first five minutes, it’s this, isn’t this interesting. Like I have like people in my head here just chattering way. And when you think about it, if we have, I read recently 50,000 thoughts run through our head each day on a normal day. So when you’re really stressed out, it’s probably more than that. Think of all those thoughts that run through your, your brain. Now, your conscious mind is kind of like the boss and your subconscious mind is the worker bee. So your conscious mind has all these thoughts that run through your head each day. And then the subconscious mind just listens and says, Oh, okay, I’ll do that. You got it. You know, an example of a conscious thought is I hate my job. So if the boss is saying, which is your conscious mind, I hate my job. I hate my job.I hate my job. Your subconscious mind, who is the worker bee, who is listening in, you know, executing, whatever the boss is, is saying and asking for the subconscious mind is saying, okay, cool. Let’s keep hating our job. But if perhaps you switch it and your conscious mind says, you know, I’m really grateful for my job right now. It’s allowing me the income to live. And I have a job that is allowing me to pay my bills, buy my groceries, have a roof over my head. And I also have some other time this weekend to start looking for my next chapter. And so you just, when you spin it that way, then your subconscious is like, yeah. Yeah, we’re really grateful. We’re really grateful. Pretty soon you start to feel better. You feel a little bit more content, and then you have that energy to start looking for your next role, your next chapter.So really paying attention. The thoughts in your head is huge. Again, you know what we think where our energy goes, or what is, what’s that saying? Um, where your energy flow, Oh, where your attention goes, your energy flows. So what you’re putting your attention on, on your thoughts, that’s where your energy will go. That’s where your subconscious mind will like a dutiful, you know, worker be soldier, whatever you want to call it, you know, they’ll, that’s where they take us. And this is the whole idea of manifestation. And so just experiment this week, uh, where, when you catch yourself saying a negative thought of any kind, even if it’s just kind of like ingest where you’re joking, like, Oh my gosh, I’m such a loser. Or, Oh my gosh, I feel so fat or, Oh my gosh, I can’t believe I said that on the conference call or, Oh my gosh.You know, I just, Oh my God, I’m so tired. I’m so tired. I’m so tired. You don’t pay attention to when you say those statements. And even though they don’t really feel like they mean much, they kind of do, because we’ve got this other little subconscious mind, our little worker bee going, Oh, you’re tired. Oh, we’re tired. Okay. Let’s continue being tired. Let’s do things that will help us to continue to be tired or hate our job, or, you know, feel fat or, or any of those things. If in, and again, if you’re rolling your eyes going, Oh my gosh, this whole manifestation stuff bag, this doesn’t work. Just experiment with it. Just experiment with it. Let’s not talk about what if, whether it works, whether the outcomes are there, whether the goals are all achieved and manifested all that stuff. If the goal is just to start feeling better and feeling more contentment, if you’re, if you are experiencing stress and overwhelm, chances are it’s going to work. It isn’t that enough just to feel better. Isn’t that what we all want to feel, isn’t that what is underneath all of our goals and desires is to feel the way we want to feel. And so just play with that this week. I’m going to do that with you where, when I catch myself saying, Oh, that was so stupid of me. I can’t no, I’m going to say, Oh, wow. Look at that. I’m learning, I’m learning X, Y, Z. Um, I feel amazing today. Thank you body. I feel great. I look great. You know what? I’m going to love my job. I’m going to choose to be happy today. And I think it’s really amazing. Our minds are so powerful in, and you can kind of trick it in a way. So have fun with that one.
  6. AM and PM rituals. So lately here, I’m going to share with you by ritual. So I got my sound bowl. I don’t know if it’s called a sound bowl or a singing bowl, but a dear friend of mine who passed over the veil a few years ago, she was such a wonderful teacher to me for living in the moment, embracing life, the power of really great lipstick. And, you know, she just reveled in the simple pleasures of life, like some really cute ballet flats, some great lipstick, a really good meal, simple pleasures that are available to us just on a regular basis. And so she gifted me this beautiful sound singing bowl and I thought I’m going to incorporate it into a ritual. And that’s when I say to myself, how do I want to feel today? And it’s like such a cool ritual. You guys that takes me 10 seconds. And that’s pretty much it in terms of my morning ritual, because then I’m ready to go. Now I’m going to start to incorporate, I did it this morning. I’m going to incorporate a few minutes of meditation as well. Maybe some stretching, but just baby steps. So in the evening I get my diffuser go in with my lavender oil. I’ll take a bath or a shower. Uh, you know, I’ll put the water in the humidifier because it’s cold here. Now it gets a little dry. And, you know, I might watch something on Netflix or I’ll look through one of my favorite magazines that I get, or I will read a book or maybe go on Pinterest and get inspired. But it’s just, just winding down the day, winding down the day. So am and PM rituals. I think so often we go through life and, and sometimes I feel this way where it’s just like, it’s like, go from the minute you wake up to the minute your head hits the pillow at night. And again, if we’re feeling overwhelmed, if we’re feeling anxious, if we’re feeling full of stress, then it’s up to us. It’s our responsibility to dial it back and take the time to create these rituals.
  7. Make your living space a haven. So I’m looking at these beautiful raspberry pinky colored tulips that are bringing me a lot of joy today as I sit here and I work, I mean, I can’t even tell you how much joy they’re bringing me and they’re tulips. It makes me happy. And it’s just little touches. It’s not like you have to do a rehaul of, of your living space, just little things, fresh sheets, fresh flowers, you know, maybe some afternoon tea with some, you know, yummy cookies, like a little afternoon treat. So just making, you know, your house Haven with the music that you’re playing with, the smells that you’re smelling with, you know, maybe a diffuser or candles with what you look at. Do you look at clutter? Hey, if you’re cool with the clutter, by the way, you’re the guru of you. Some people they work really well when their desk is kind of like this crazy wild, like messy clutter, but they know where everything is. And if that works for you, that’s great. If it doesn’t do something about it, it doesn’t work for me. Uh, just yesterday I went to the ups store and I had folders upon folders. I went through all of my, um, drawers and just old financial files and work files. And I got rid of so much stuff. Oh my gosh, I felt 10 pounds lighter when I walked out of the ups store. The world can be so crazy. And yet we have control over our little bubble, the space that we, you know, live in outside of when we’re out in the world. And as a highly sensitive person and empathic person, someone who feels a lot and takes on other people’s energy, people who are giving people who are pleasers is really important to create a space for yourself. That feels good. And if you’re in a home with a lot of other people where you don’t have control over the clutter, then if you can carve out a space for yourself, whether it be in your bedroom or just like a little area, a little nook in your home.
  8. Drink more water. One of my dear friends, Kathy always says when she had her daughter, who’s now like in college, when they would argue or, you know, kind of get on each other’s nerves, they’d look at each other and they’d say, I think we need water. And she’s like she said, most of the time we’d both guzzle a glass or two, a water, and we would instantly feel better. When you think about flowers, that just kind of wilt when they, you know, are getting low on water, you fill up the vase and it’s like, boop, they perk up like a plant, like an herb. And we’re the same way our brain needs water. Our muscles need water. Our joints need water. I get depressed if I’m dehydrated and I’ve read a lot about this. So it’s like, Oh, that makes sense. I started Googling it. And it’s just so key. You know, our bodies are made up of water, so drink some water if you’re feeling overwhelmed.
  9. Sense of unity. So reaching out to other people, creating connection, if you’re feeling alone, be vulnerable, be transparent. I’ve always, and that, to be an immediate connection with other people. Oftentimes I think, you know, I read Louise penny books. I know I’ve talked about this so many times. I love Louise penny and I love her murder, mystery novels. Yes. I love him for the plot and all of that.And the suspense. I really love him for the sense of community that she has created in this fictional village of three Pines. And the thing is I realized for so long, I was always looking for three Pines, trying to find three Pines. Guess what three Pines is within ourselves. Within our hearts, three Pines is all around us. If we just look around, I just read a book called the midnight library. She was always, she was so depressed about her life. She didn’t want the life that she had, but she soon finds out that she had everything available to her. It was just the way she was looking at things in her life. There are gifts, there are miracles. There are angels around you every day in the form of people that you run into at the grocery store, friends, colleagues, whatever it may be. If you’re feeling isolated, if you’re feeling alone, reach out and reach out with vulnerability. I had a wonderful conversation yesterday with a colleague of mine. And it was really interesting. We both were, we have this perception of each other that was completely off and I won’t get into the details just for, you know, confidentiality and the privacy of my friendship with her. Um, but I had a misconception about her. I’d have, I’d put her on a pedestal about some things. And she was like, well, let me tell you the truth here. And, and she had had vision of what I was doing. And I’m like, Oh, let me tell you the truth here. And so that just like glued us together even more and bonded us more, bonded us more because as it’s like, wow, you were, you were honorable enough to trust me with that information. That, yeah. Life isn’t always what it seems or what it looks like from the outside or what it looks like from social media. And so reach out and, and, and be vulnerable and be real and, um, and, and take some chances with that.
  10. Listen, understand, accept, and love. Now I talked about this whole idea of mastering your thoughts and your mindset and how the conscious mind is the boss. And the subconscious mind is just, you know, executes what the bosses, you know, puts into play, what the conscious mind is, is telling it to do. Um, so I get all of that. And I believe in all of that, about how we have to shift our thoughts, which will shift the way we think, which will shift the way we feel, which will shift our actions, which ultimately will shift our reality. I also feel that the first step to that though, is listening to ourself. So if we’re feeling like we hate our job, if we’re feeling fat, if we’re feeling frustrated about X, Y, Z, I feel like sometimes if you don’t sit with that feeling, listen to it, understand it, welcome it, love it. And just jump right over to no, I got to think a really good feeling thought that Hmm, something’s missing. And so sitting in acceptance of what is an acknowledging. Okay. Right now I do feel not so great right now. I don’t like my job right now. I’m really unhappy with how I feel in my body. If you can sit with that and approach it from a space of love rather than, Oh gosh, I’m such a, such a screw up, you know, there’s a difference of, Oh gosh, I’m such a screw up. I hate my job. And wow. I really don’t enjoy my job right now, but you know, this makes me sad. And so if you can literally speak to yourself, like you would a child, like you would a good friend, like you would a loved one and say, Oh, tell me more. Tell me more about how you feel. If you, you know, everyone wants to be heard, understood, and loved, but wouldn’t you agree? I know I do. Oh, I want to feel heard by the people that I love. I want to feel understood and I want to feel loved. Well, the best thing that you can do is to do that for yourself, listen to yourself, understand yourself, accept yourself, love yourself. And when you do, when you stop trying to eradicate those parts of yourself, or I got to get rid of this thought, you know, you know, this is a bad thought. I got to get rid of it or anything like that when you try to eradicate and get rid of, and, and change yourself when you approach it from that kind of like, uh, an aggressive way. I just, I don’t know. I think sometimes that’s why we stay stuck. But in fact, if you approach it from a space of love, like, okay, tell me more. If you acknowledge that quote, negative feelings, you’re feeling, then you can go, okay, okay. It can work through you. You don’t want to linger in it too long, but it can work through you. And pretty soon it passes and then you can move into, you know what I’m going to choose to like my job today, I’m going to choose to be grateful for it. I’m going to choose to love my body today. Look at what it’s done for me. It’s gotten me through this life. And so I like the balance of listening and acknowledging and then quote, unquote negativity. And then once you’ve moved through that and accepted it and loved it. And I know it sounds counterintuitive to love the parts of yourself that you quote unquote hate. And think about that. How many times have you said that? Oh, I hate this about myself. That’s a really powerful statement. If you can move a little bit from, isn’t this interesting, this part of me that I’m really not liking. Let me understand this more. Let me feel this. And then let’s go to this better feeling thought. I think you’ll have a lot of success with that. That’s something I’m working on. Oh boy, this has been so much fun.

I am sending you much love and again, thanks for inviting me into your world this week. I’ll see you soon. Bye-bye.

Meg Daly

Welcome

Hi I’m Meg. I love helping empathic people who sometimes “feel too much” calm their head, hearts, and homes through my courses and books. Ultimately we all want to feel good in our bodies, relationships, and with the work we do in this world. When we remove the roadblocks that exist on the road to feeling the way we want to feel life tend to flow easier. 

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