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When we feel discontent in different areas of our lives, it’s easy to point the finger at other people or situations as the root cause of the issue. While this is human nature, many times it’s also the easy way out. It feels good in the moment to play the blame game “if my job wasn’t so________” or “if so and so wasn’t such a ________”…but after the venting, what continues to linger within is this unquenchable thirst for peace within ourselves. Not to mention lost energy and emotional resources.
What if we stopped looking outward through the lens of control, and instead stepped within ourselves with curiosity rather than judgment?
For example, many times people reach out to me regarding discontent in their career or relationships. Maybe they don’t feel valued, respected, or inspired by their role or other people. They have valid reasons for how they feel, but how often are we able to change other people or situations? Inevitably, the same conversations and drama continue to play out.
So the common denominator in any part of our lives…is me, myself, and I…and that is exactly where the solution exists.
My experience personally and with those I work with has shown the number one way out of “stuck/frustrated/overwhelmed” in any area of our lives is to find ways to love ourselves more.
So what’s an indicator of how good we are at loving ourselves?
I think a lot of it has to do with how we care for ourselves. Self-care encompasses every area of our life from how we set up our day, our internal dialogue, the activities we choose to participate in, our ability to say no, the environment we create at home and the office, how we spend money, and the people we surround ourselves with.
Here are a few of my favorite self-care strategies:
1. Mirror Work: I first read about this tool in Louise Haye’s book Life Loves You which was given to me by my friend Jane during a low point in my own life. It was such a gift! Basically, for a few weeks, you commit to staring at yourself eyeball to eyeball for several minutes (seriously!) in the mirror and repeating the words “I love you.” I can tell you from personal experience as well as feedback from clients at first you feel a bit ridiculous… and then something happens. You start to see, and I mean really see yourself. This creates a multitude of emotions on all levels. It’s pretty amazing and who cares if you think it sounds crazy…you’ve got nothing to lose!
2. Methodical Mother: This is a fun one too. You embody your idyllic version of the perfect mother (which of course doesn’t exist but it’s your imagination so go for it 🙂
You basically treat yourself with tender loving care with everything from what you eat, bedtime, your morning routine, how you speak to yourself, and your balance of work and fun time. This can be helpful when you are feeling worn out and run down.
3. One Simple Question: When faced with a choice of whether to say yes or no… or how to react when triggered… or whether to beat yourself up…or whether to confront someone else…or what choice to make on a big decision, simply ask yourself one question:
If I loved myself, what would I do?
When we live our lives from a place of acceptance rather than fear/ judgment/blame, things seem to work themselves out on their own. Our jobs become more enjoyable…or we attract new opportunities thanks to our elevated energy. Our relationships realign…or we thank one another for the experience and move on with peaceful hearts.
Self-care is truly the simple secret to success, serenity, and happiness and it’s right at your fingertips.
Take good care,