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My definition of a doormat is”Someone who “quietly compromises” or abandons their own needs and wants in order to prevent the fallout of others not getting what they want.”
Synonyms for a doormat:
* People Pleaser
* Performer (AKA: Channeling the hostess with the “Mostess”while internally having an anxiety attack!)
The problem with being a doormat is it’s exhausting. Does this sound familiar?
1. You initially find it easy to suck it up and put yourself last.
2. Resentment builds.
3. The boiling point reaches an all time high and BOOM comes a blow up.
4. The other person says “ummmm…. what the heck just happened?”
5. You feel worse then before.
6. You start judging yourself for standing up for yourself
7. The process begins all over again
Ready to step out of this familiar pattern? Try these tips:
Acknowledge that part of you that is a pleaser, performer, or perfectionist and identify the “kick back” behind it.
If you are a pleaser, what’s behind it? Perhaps the desire to feel needed and valued. If no one needed you to make sure they were okay… what would you do?
Are you always “on stage” performing? If it’s exhausting, take a look at the deep desire to feel accepted and where YOU can start accepting yourself.
A perfectionist? Maybe it’s the armor you wear so people don’t see the imperfect parts of you… so many it’s time to get a little vulnerable.
Quit “quietly compromising.”
Having the courage to begin voicing your own needs is the first step to getting to know yourself…not to mention moving away from the notion that other people can read our minds and understand what we want.
A bonus for speaking up (even if it’s not as eloquent as you’d like at first!) is the release you feel, how people begin seeing the authentic parts of you, and the energy shifts that happen for everyone.
Honor Your Preferences
It’s easy to complain about other people not giving us what we need/desire/want… but when you think about it, this is not THEIR job. It’s our job. When we disregard or disown parts of ourselves in essence we are telling ourselves at a very deep level “I don’t care about you. You don’t matter.”
What would your life look like if you really cared about how you felt… and made choices based on that?
When it’s all said and done, isn’t the point of being here to really love the WAY we live our lives? When we do, we are happier, healthier, and much more capable of wholeheartedly loving/respecting/honoring the other people in our world.
This holiday season, give yourself the gift of loving you.